Your kid’s an All Star? Wow! Someday he’ll be average like the rest of us.

The church in America is puzzled. Young adults are leaving in droves. Magazines, books and blogs are wagging the finger of blame to point out who is responsible. Some say it is a failure of youth ministry, some point to church budgets and some nail the blame on outdated, unhip worship services. We parents are shocked that our kids just really aren’t all that into Jesus.

When I look for someone to blame I head into the restroom and look into a mirror. Yupp, there he is. I blame him. That parent looking back at me is where I have to start.

If you’re a parent, I’m might tick you off in this post. But, hear me out. I think that we, as parents are guilty of some things that make it easy for our kids to put faith low on their priority list.

Keys to Making Your Kids Apathetic About Faith

1) Put academic pursuits above faith-building activities. Encourage your child to put everything else aside for academic gain. Afterall, when they are 24 and not interested in faith and following Christ, you’ll still be thrilled that they got an A in pre-calculus, right? Instead of teaching them balance, teach them that all else comes second to academics. Quick … who graduated in the top 5 of your high school class? Unless you were one of them, I bet you have no idea. I don’t.

2) Chase the gold ball first and foremost. Afterall, your child is a star. Drive 400 miles so your child can play hockey but refuse to take them to a home group bible study because it’s 20 minutes away.

2b) Buy into the “select,” “elite,” “premier” titles for leagues that play outside of the school season and take pride in your kid wearing the label. Hey now, he’s an All-Star! No one would pay $1000 for their kid to join, “Bunch-of-kids-paying-to-play Team.” But, “Elite?!?” Boy, howdy! That’s the big time!

2c) Believe the school coach who tells you that your kid won’t play if he doesn’t play in the offseason. The truth is, if your kid really is a star, he could go to Disney for the first week of the season and come back and start for his school team. The determined coach might make him sit a whole game to teach him a lesson. But, trust me, if Julie can shoot the rock for 20 points a game, she’s in the lineup. I remember a stellar soccer athlete who played with my son in high school. Chris missed the entire preseason because of winning a national baseball championship. With no workouts, no double sessions, his first day back with the soccer team, he started and scored two goals. Several hard-working “premier” players sat on the bench and watched him do it. (Chris never played soccer outside the school season but was a perpetual district all-star selection.) The hard reality is, if your kid is not a star, an average of 3 new stars a year will play varsity as freshmen. That means there’s always 12 kids who are the top prospects. Swallow hard and encourage your kid to improve but be careful what you sacrifice to make him a star at little Podunk High here in Maine.

2d) By the way, just because your kid got a letter inviting him to attend a baseball camp in West Virginia does not mean he is being recruited. You’ll know when recruiting happens. Coaches start calling as regularly as telemarketers, they send your kid handwritten notes and they often bypass you to talk to your kid. A letter with a printed label from an athletic department is not recruitment. When a coach shows up to watch your kid play and then talks to you and your kid, that’s recruiting.

3) Teach your kid that the dollar is almighty. I see it all the time. Faith activities fly out the window when students say, “I’d like to, but I have to work.” Parents think jobs teach responsibility when, in reality, most students are merely accumulating wealth to buy the things they want. Our kids learn that faith activities should be put aside for the “responsibility” of holding a job. They will never again get to spend 100% of their paychecks on the stuff they want.

3b) Make them pay outright for faith activities like youth retreats and faith community activities while you support their sports, music, drama and endeavors with checks for camps and “select” groups and expensive equipment. This sends a loud and clear message of what you really want to see them involved in and what you value most. Complain loudly about how expensive a three-day youth event is but then don’t bat an eye when you pay four times that for a three-day sports camp.

4) Refuse to acknowledge that the primary motivating force in kids’ lives is relationship. Connections with others is what drives kids to be involved. It’s the reason that peer pressure is such a big deal in adolescence. Sending kids to bible classes and lectures is almost entirely ineffective apart from relationship and friendships that help them process what they learn. As kids share faith experiences like retreats, mission trips and student ministry fun, they build common bonds with one another that work as a glue to Christian community. In fact, a strong argument can be made that faith is designed to be lived in community with other believers. By doing all you can to keep your kids from experiencing the bonds of love in a Christian community, you help insure that they can easily walk away without feeling like they are missing anything. Kids build friendships with the kids they spend time with.

5) Model apathy in your own life. If following Jesus is only about sitting in a church service once a week and going to meetings, young adults opt out. Teenagers and young adults are looking for things that are worth their time. Authentic, genuine, relevant relationships where people are growing in relationship with Jesus is appealing. Meaningless duty and ritual holds no attraction.

There are no guarantees that your children will follow Christ even if you have a vibrant, purposeful relationship with Him. But, on the other hand, if we, as parents do not do all we can to help our children develop meaningful relationships in Jesus, we miss a major opportunity to lead them and show them the path worth walking.

I want my kids to see that their dad follows Jesus with everything. I want them to know that my greatest hope for them is that they follow Him too.

Mt. 6:33 Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. (The Message)

On a personal note: I know the struggle. My wife and I have lived the struggle firsthand. My son was recruited by a few D1 NCAA schools for baseball and opted instead to attend a small D3 school. My daughter was recruited to play field hockey by a couple D2 programs and ended up playing D3 when the scholarship offer was not enough to make her top school affordable. Both played in “premier” leagues. Both got A’s in high school though we often told them not to stress out too much over it. Both are in honor societies in college and my son now has offers from UNC, Univ. of Wisconsin, Johns Hopkins and Weil Cornell for a Phd in Pharmacology. Neither ever missed a youth group retreat, conference or mission trip because of their sports or academic commitments. Both missed a game or two to attend faith-based activities. Both missed school for family vacations. Both held down part-time jobs in high school and learned to give employers advance notice for upcoming retreats. My son often changed into his baseball uniform at church to arrive in the third inning of Sunday games. Robin and I did all we could to make sure they connected in student ministry even when it meant driving straight from a tournament to a music festival at midnight so that they would not miss out. It was that important to us. My youngest, a culinary student, lost a restaurant job because he went on a mission trip. That’s fine. Thankfully, all 3 have strong faith walks today. That is due only to God’s grace. But, I do believe that our efforts and example helped them long for a community-based faith.

Use this post however you find helpful. Reprint, repost, link to it or whatever. A link back to http://scottlinscott.wordpress.com would be awesome.

Simple Youth Ministry by Eric Geiger and Jeff Borton

Awaken Your Creativity by Les Christie

The Slow Fade by Reggie Joiner, Chuck Bomar, and Abbie Smith

Connect:  Real Relationships in a World of Isolation by Jonathan McKee

Are there any good books you have planned to read this summer?  I would love to see the list!!

These books I often return to multiple times a year for insight and reflection.  They have helped develop my ministry, my profession and my person.

Not sure why.  Really, why.

Maybe because:

• the van broke down
• big ministry time in EPIC (graduations, events, camp, etc)
• dealing with finances
• doctor’s appointment coming up
• etc.

Maybe all or some of those.

Actually I know why.  But I don’t want to say.  It is embarrassing.  Revealing.  Convicting.

Okay.  The reason–the real reason I feel overwhelmed–disconnectedness.

Big word.  Big problem.

My reason for my feeling of overwhelm-ness (not actually a word) is because I have disconnected myself from God lately.

I have excuses though:

• school work
• spending time with family
• working on lessons for EPIC
• regular church stuff
• did I say school work?
• counseling students and their families

Good excuses right?  Maybe for me but not with God.  God desires my full, 100%, undivided attention.  And He deserves it.  But I am not giving it to Him.

I feel overwhelmed because I am disconnected.  I am trying to do everything on my own.  I can’t.  Impossible.

Solution.  Re-connect with God.  Spend time with Him.  Talk to Him.  Listen to Him.

I am going to re-connect now.  Don’t interrupt.

Tonight, after I anxiously went through my "fortune-cookie-breaking-and-eating" routine, I read this on my fortune cookie:

Your lucky numbers are 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, & 42 (anyone know the significance of those numbers?)–jk, those weren’t really my numbers.

Then I turned over the paper and my fortune was:

Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.

I found this message very pertinent to my life right now.  Let me explain.  I love everything I am doing now.  Family, ministry, school, etc, but I am finding that I am also constantly overwhelmed and tired about all of these things at the same time. 

In family life, things are becoming crazy with baseball season for the boys, Anna’s mom is moving to Columbus, keeping up with Emma.  I love it but it is a lot.

In ministry, we are getting ready for the summer months, re-evaluating how student ministry is done at Grace Point, re-organizing leadership, kicking off monthly middle school outreach events, etc.–not to mention what is going on in the bigger picture of the church.  I am passionate about ministry–but it is hectic.

In school, I am being challenged, learning how to be a better counselor, reading interesting books, research studies, and journal articles.  I has been good–but a lot.

What I realized tonight is that even though we may love something and are passionate about, if we don’t take things moderately and in God’s timing, we will eventually burnout and become ineffective.  I immediately think of Jesus, who developed His mission and purpose for 33 years on this earth.  He took his time in picking and developing the disciples, teaching those who followed Him and healing those in need.  And He also took regular sabbaticals, or periods of rest, so that He could re-focus.  Jesus was most certainly passionate and loved what and who He was called to but He also did what He could to moderate himself and avoid fatigue.

For me, I don’t want to be ineffective in ANY of those above categories.  Perhaps you are like me and feel as if you are running a hundred miles an hour doing the things you love–but you are tired.

Take some time to rest.

Refocus your purpose and love.

and then Tackle your passion and purpose moderately.

Oh, and by the way, I really don’t LIVE for fortune cookie prophecies, though it was interesting that Noah’s (our 7 year old) tonight said, "you will soon come into some unexpected money."  Tonight, when we got home, he lost a tooth.

Josh is one of EPIC’s former students and was a member of the student leadership team while here.  He started his college career at Wright State University in Dayton, OH but felt God calling him into a vocational ministry.  He is now waiting for fall classes to start at Cedarville University in Cedarville, OH where he will be pursuing a youth ministry and business degree.

During Josh’s intern he will have the opportunity and responsibility of helping with programming, creativity and even planning and executing events, teachings and more.

I am very excited to have him aboard and look forward to seeing what God will do not only in Josh’s life but in our ministry as well.

We no longer were in our 8 hour intensive tracks.  We could chose a number of different shorter tracks.  I chose Mark DeVries, president and founder of Youth Ministry Architects.  His track was on Building a Sustainable Youth Ministry.  Though I have been a youth pastor for 12 years, I know I can still learn a great deal about healthy youth ministry.

Over all I would give the conference a C+.  My only complaint is that I was hoping for a conference about WHERE youth ministry is GOING.  Not necessarily about where it has been and where it is at now.

If you interested in attending next year, click here.  It is in Chicago next year.

Today, we were back into the 8-hour track intensives.  Rahn and Klein are doing a fabulous job.  I am thankful I chose this track.  My hope is to make it applicable to our (Olentangy School District) current expanding dilemma.  To many schools, to few youth pastors in them.

Tonight, we had the privilege of hearing from Doug Fields, founder of Simply Youth Ministry and Teaching Pastor at Saddleback Community Church.  He challenged us with taking simple coins in our pocket and using them to remember God’s faithfulness to us.  Here were his points:

    P–Past (Ephesians 1.6-7; Colossians 1.13-14)

N–Now (Romans 8.11; 15.13)

    D–Determined Destiny (John 5.24; Romans 5.21)

Q–Quality Growth (Matthew 13.4-8)

This talk was a great challenge for me to remind myself of how great God has and is and will be in my life.  Next time you look at the coins in your pocket, remind yourself of God’s faithfulness.

After worship we began our 8 hour intensive tracks.  Thankfully they weren’t 8 hours straight.  After wrestling what may be the best track for me to take I decided that Dave Rahn and Chuck Klein’s track, Moving Your Ministry on to the Campus, would be most fitting for me.  Our church is located in the fastest growing school district in the state of Ohio.  There averaging a new Middle School every two years and a new High School every three years.  It is hard to keep up but it is also an amazing mission field.  Over the past year I have been racking my brain as to what is the best way to get a vibrant campus ministry going.  I was extremely pleased to have some great insight from Rahn and Klein as to what has worked well for them.

Later that afternoon I got of watch Megan Vallely at a cheerleading competition that was also being hosted at the Convention Center.

I left early and missed the evening talk which was led by Kay Warren, pastor’s wife of Rick Warren and Saddleback Community Church.  It was Anna and my 11 year anniversary.  We got rid of the kids (thanks Upchurch family) and went to the Cheesecake Factory.

Overall Day 2 was a great day and it made me look forward to Day 3.

Yesterday was the Day One.   The Convention Center is was filled with people and resources.  I love both.

Starting at 12:30, I was part of a four hour initiative with Doug Fields.  Our job was answering the question, How do you find, fuel and fire-up volunteers?  Walked away with some great feedback, thoughts and tools.

After I left that time with Doug, by now the conference center was PACKED.  People were getting registered, meeting old friends (it was great to reconnect with Vince Beresford–an old mentor of mine and Jeremy from sackchairs.com).

General session was pretty amazing.  Besides the Segway Olympics and worship by Tim Timmons and a concert by Braddigan, we had the wonderful privilege of meeting and hearing from Alex and Brent Harris, authors of Do Hard Things.

My favorite part came during the late night session when we got in to Affinity Groups (groups designed around an interest of stage of life).  I joined the Veteren: 10+ years in youth ministry group.  To my surprise, Vince was leading the group.  I thought, here is my chance to get the encouragement and tools, from veteran youth workers, to better my focus on ministry.  I soon found out I was in the same boat as everyone else.  They too, were tired, drained and fed-up with the same-old youth ministry expectations.  I left, after much time in prayer with these guys, renewed and renergized, knowing I wasn’t the only one.

I wholeheartedly know that God is going to do great things in me this weekend and I am excited to see what it is.