“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it”  –Proverbs 22:6

Pastor Your Family

The Puritans remind us of the value and importance of family ministry. Family worship was one of the hallmarks of the Puritan era and one of their greatest legacies. The Puritan pastor Richard Baxter knew the importance of family ministry:

We must have a special eye upon families, to see that they are well ordered, and the duties of each relation performed. The life of religion, and the welfare and glory of both the Church and the State, depend much on family government and duty. If we suffer the neglect of this, we shall undo all…. I beseech you, therefore, if you desire the reformation and welfare of your people, do all you can to promote family religion.

Your Home Is a Church

The Puritans believed that their home was their church and the primary place of learning the Bible and moral instruction. They knew the call to “make disciples” begins in the home. Discipleship begins in our marriages, by loving our spouses with the love of Christ and by teaching, loving, and disciplining our children. The Puritans believed that it was a parent’s spiritual responsibility to disciple and teach their children about the faith.

“Family worship was one of the hallmarks of the Puritan era

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As Christian parents, we should also want to raise our children to grow up to love Jesus and know the Bible. It is important for children to begin learning about God and the Bible at home. If every family in every church got serious about making disciples in the home, it would change our nation and our world.

How are you creating good discipleship in your home?

Your kid’s an All Star? Wow! Someday he’ll be average like the rest of us.

The church in America is puzzled. Young adults are leaving in droves. Magazines, books and blogs are wagging the finger of blame to point out who is responsible. Some say it is a failure of youth ministry, some point to church budgets and some nail the blame on outdated, unhip worship services. We parents are shocked that our kids just really aren’t all that into Jesus.

When I look for someone to blame I head into the restroom and look into a mirror. Yupp, there he is. I blame him. That parent looking back at me is where I have to start.

If you’re a parent, I’m might tick you off in this post. But, hear me out. I think that we, as parents are guilty of some things that make it easy for our kids to put faith low on their priority list.

Keys to Making Your Kids Apathetic About Faith

1) Put academic pursuits above faith-building activities. Encourage your child to put everything else aside for academic gain. Afterall, when they are 24 and not interested in faith and following Christ, you’ll still be thrilled that they got an A in pre-calculus, right? Instead of teaching them balance, teach them that all else comes second to academics. Quick … who graduated in the top 5 of your high school class? Unless you were one of them, I bet you have no idea. I don’t.

2) Chase the gold ball first and foremost. Afterall, your child is a star. Drive 400 miles so your child can play hockey but refuse to take them to a home group bible study because it’s 20 minutes away.

2b) Buy into the “select,” “elite,” “premier” titles for leagues that play outside of the school season and take pride in your kid wearing the label. Hey now, he’s an All-Star! No one would pay $1000 for their kid to join, “Bunch-of-kids-paying-to-play Team.” But, “Elite?!?” Boy, howdy! That’s the big time!

2c) Believe the school coach who tells you that your kid won’t play if he doesn’t play in the offseason. The truth is, if your kid really is a star, he could go to Disney for the first week of the season and come back and start for his school team. The determined coach might make him sit a whole game to teach him a lesson. But, trust me, if Julie can shoot the rock for 20 points a game, she’s in the lineup. I remember a stellar soccer athlete who played with my son in high school. Chris missed the entire preseason because of winning a national baseball championship. With no workouts, no double sessions, his first day back with the soccer team, he started and scored two goals. Several hard-working “premier” players sat on the bench and watched him do it. (Chris never played soccer outside the school season but was a perpetual district all-star selection.) The hard reality is, if your kid is not a star, an average of 3 new stars a year will play varsity as freshmen. That means there’s always 12 kids who are the top prospects. Swallow hard and encourage your kid to improve but be careful what you sacrifice to make him a star at little Podunk High here in Maine.

2d) By the way, just because your kid got a letter inviting him to attend a baseball camp in West Virginia does not mean he is being recruited. You’ll know when recruiting happens. Coaches start calling as regularly as telemarketers, they send your kid handwritten notes and they often bypass you to talk to your kid. A letter with a printed label from an athletic department is not recruitment. When a coach shows up to watch your kid play and then talks to you and your kid, that’s recruiting.

3) Teach your kid that the dollar is almighty. I see it all the time. Faith activities fly out the window when students say, “I’d like to, but I have to work.” Parents think jobs teach responsibility when, in reality, most students are merely accumulating wealth to buy the things they want. Our kids learn that faith activities should be put aside for the “responsibility” of holding a job. They will never again get to spend 100% of their paychecks on the stuff they want.

3b) Make them pay outright for faith activities like youth retreats and faith community activities while you support their sports, music, drama and endeavors with checks for camps and “select” groups and expensive equipment. This sends a loud and clear message of what you really want to see them involved in and what you value most. Complain loudly about how expensive a three-day youth event is but then don’t bat an eye when you pay four times that for a three-day sports camp.

4) Refuse to acknowledge that the primary motivating force in kids’ lives is relationship. Connections with others is what drives kids to be involved. It’s the reason that peer pressure is such a big deal in adolescence. Sending kids to bible classes and lectures is almost entirely ineffective apart from relationship and friendships that help them process what they learn. As kids share faith experiences like retreats, mission trips and student ministry fun, they build common bonds with one another that work as a glue to Christian community. In fact, a strong argument can be made that faith is designed to be lived in community with other believers. By doing all you can to keep your kids from experiencing the bonds of love in a Christian community, you help insure that they can easily walk away without feeling like they are missing anything. Kids build friendships with the kids they spend time with.

5) Model apathy in your own life. If following Jesus is only about sitting in a church service once a week and going to meetings, young adults opt out. Teenagers and young adults are looking for things that are worth their time. Authentic, genuine, relevant relationships where people are growing in relationship with Jesus is appealing. Meaningless duty and ritual holds no attraction.

There are no guarantees that your children will follow Christ even if you have a vibrant, purposeful relationship with Him. But, on the other hand, if we, as parents do not do all we can to help our children develop meaningful relationships in Jesus, we miss a major opportunity to lead them and show them the path worth walking.

I want my kids to see that their dad follows Jesus with everything. I want them to know that my greatest hope for them is that they follow Him too.

Mt. 6:33 Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. (The Message)

On a personal note: I know the struggle. My wife and I have lived the struggle firsthand. My son was recruited by a few D1 NCAA schools for baseball and opted instead to attend a small D3 school. My daughter was recruited to play field hockey by a couple D2 programs and ended up playing D3 when the scholarship offer was not enough to make her top school affordable. Both played in “premier” leagues. Both got A’s in high school though we often told them not to stress out too much over it. Both are in honor societies in college and my son now has offers from UNC, Univ. of Wisconsin, Johns Hopkins and Weil Cornell for a Phd in Pharmacology. Neither ever missed a youth group retreat, conference or mission trip because of their sports or academic commitments. Both missed a game or two to attend faith-based activities. Both missed school for family vacations. Both held down part-time jobs in high school and learned to give employers advance notice for upcoming retreats. My son often changed into his baseball uniform at church to arrive in the third inning of Sunday games. Robin and I did all we could to make sure they connected in student ministry even when it meant driving straight from a tournament to a music festival at midnight so that they would not miss out. It was that important to us. My youngest, a culinary student, lost a restaurant job because he went on a mission trip. That’s fine. Thankfully, all 3 have strong faith walks today. That is due only to God’s grace. But, I do believe that our efforts and example helped them long for a community-based faith.

Use this post however you find helpful. Reprint, repost, link to it or whatever. A link back to http://scottlinscott.wordpress.com would be awesome.

I would highly recommend this book to any parent no matter if you have children or teenagers.  Here is a review of the book:

When parents work in tandem with the faith community to raise their children, they increase their parenting capacity exponentially.

Most parents have so many demands on their time that they can’t be the kind of parent they desire to be. They need to know the Orange Factor: Two combined influences will make a greater impact on kids than just two influences. And it’s true. Parents who partner with the faith community are the best way to bring the next generation into the family of God-and keep them there.

If you want to order one, you can do so HERE or HERE.

This past week I received an amazing e-mail from one of our parents concerning an ORANGE moment they had with the teenager during our communion service.  Thought I would pass along the note:

Ryan,

I wanted to let you know about something pretty awesome that happened during yesterdays service.

I was sitting with my son who is a 6th grader listening to Terry’s sermon. When Terry introduced his main verse I handed my son a Bible and had him find the verse for us.

He found it with no trouble and we read it together as Terry read aloud.

At the end of the service Terry gave an invitation for communion. I asked my son if he would like to participate in this special time. He said he did.

We went up together and got our elements are returned to our seats.

I asked him if he would like to take the communion together and he said that would be good.

He then said, ‘ I will pray first’. He prayed for us to never forget the gift God gave us in His Son on the cross and thanked God for communion as a time to remember what was sacrificed for us.

After he finished I prayed and we took communion together.

What an incredible time of sharing such a great part of the service with my son. It set up a really good rest of the day for the two of us.

On the way to lunch after the service we had a nice discussion about Terry’s message and talked about the different points Terry had made regarding worship. I asked him if he understood each area and if he had any questions. He had a much better understanding of it all than I had expected and we had a great discussion.

I was glad that he was able to be in the service so we could share this time and I was glad that I had taken the steps to encourage him to experience the entire service.

I now have a clearer picture and greater appreciation of what you have talked about when you stressed the importance of ‘Orange Moments’ with our children.

I look forward to more of these in the future.

Have a great day!

This is my prayer for all of our students and their families.  That they would grow together in Christ and closer to each other.  That mom and dad would play and active role in being Deuteronomy 6.4-9 parents:

4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

1.  Identification with drug culture

• drug-related magazines or slogans on clothing
• conversation and jokes that are preoccupied with drugs
• hostility discussing drugs
• collection of beer cans

2.  Signs of physical deterioration

• memory lapses, short attention span, difficulty concentrating
• poor physical coordination; slurred or incoherent speech
• unhealthy appearance; indifference to hygiene and grooming
• bloodshot eyes, dilated pupils

3.  Dramatic changes in school performance

• marked downturn in grades–not just from C’s to F’s, but from A’s to B’s and C’s; assignments not completed
• increased absenteeism or tardiness

4.  Changes in behavior

• chronic dishonesty (lying, stealing, cheating); trouble with police
• changes in friends; evasiveness in talking about new ones
• possession of large amounts of money
• increasing and inappropriate anger, hostility, irritability, secretiveness
• reduced motivation, energy, self-discipline, self-esteem
• diminished interest in extracurricular activities, hobbies, church activities

If your student is displaying any of these signs, it would be wise to dig deep into the reasons for such behavior and changes.

Reference:

Feldman, R. S. (2008). Development across the lifespan (5^th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

1. Middle School May Mayhem

Here at EPIC, we have been wrestling over ways to get the Middle Schoolers more involved and better connected to each other. Our event planning team met and came up with some GREAT ideas for events JUST FOR the Middle Schoolers. These MS events will meet the second (2nd) Saturday of every month.

Our first event is on Saturday, May 9th from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm. We will begin at 6:00 with registration and connection games. We will then feed them pizza and after pizza it is off for Controlled Mass Chaos. We will conclude the night with the world’s largest sundae.

Cost is $5.00 per student and we are asking EPIC MS students to sign up and give us an estimate of how many friends they will be bringing. IT’S TIME TO GET YOUR GAME ON!!!!!!!!!!

2. April—May SERIES—Origins

Starting in April, we will be taking a fresh look at Genesis. We feel it is important for our students to have a foundation in what the Word of God says and there isn’t a better book to start with then Genesis. This will be an 8 week series which will take us through May.

3. Easter

EPIC will NOT be meeting Easter Sunday. We are encouraging students to worship with their family.

4. Purpose of EPIC

EPIC Student Ministries @ Grace Point exists to connect students to the love of Christ, to love them in what ever condition they are in, to instruct them in their spiritual walk, to magnify God before them and to build into them the passion to serve their world.

5. PATH (Parents Applying Truth and Heart)

Our next P.A.T.H. meeting will be on May 2nd. That is a Saturday. We will be meeting from 10:00 am to 12:00 noon. The topic will be Overextending Your Student: getting back to the basics.

6. EPIC @ the Park

I know it sounds like a ways off but starting June 3rd, EPIC will be holding a special time at Orange Park every Wednesday Night. We are excited about finding ways to connect with the community on “their” turf. Here are the details:

• —When: Every Wednesday June through August
• —Where: Orange Park (off of SR 23)
• —Time: 6:00-8:00 pm Middle School/7:00-9:00 pm High School

7. Prayer Needs

Would like to put before you some prayer needs we have here at EPIC:

• God will continue to bring in new students
• God will help us meet the spiritual needs of all our students
• God will supply more leaders, especially in Middle School
• God will give the leadership team clear vision on what HE wants EPIC to look like.
• God will begin working in the heart of each student going to Lake Ann Camp this summer!

Most people know that OMG means Oh, my God, and LOL stands for Laugh out Loud. But teens are getting more cryptic with their text messaging lingo, and their shorthand can range from the silly to the sexually explicit. How savvy are you? The following is a glossary of some common acronyms that your child may be using to keep you in the dark.

Text Messaging Acronyms

ADR — Address

AFK — Away from Keyboard
ASL — Age/Sex/Location
BRB — Be Right Back
GTG — Got to Go

GYPO — Get Your Pants off
IWSN — I Want Sex Now
JK — Just Kidding

KFY — Kiss for You
KPC — Keeping Parents Clueless

LMIRL — Let’s Meet in Real Life

LMAO—Laughing My Ass off

LOL — Laugh out Loud

MorF — Male or Female

NIFOC — Nude in Front Of Computer

P911 – Parent Alert

PAL — Parents Are Listening

PAW — Parents Are Watching

PIR — Parent in Room

POS — Parents over Shoulder

SorG — Straight or Gay

TDTM — Talk Dirty to Me

WYCM — Will You Call Me?